Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress



Once Upon A Time, Martians And Venusians Functioned In Separate Worlds But In Today S Hectic And Career Oriented Environment, Relationships Have Become A Lot Complicated, And Men And Women Are Experiencing Unprecedented Levels Of Stress To Add To The Increasing Tension, Most Men And Women Are Also Completely Unaware That They Are Actually Hardwired To React Differently To The Stress It S A Common Scenario A Husband Returns Home From Work Stressed Out And Eager To Kick Back On The Couch And Watch Television A Wife Returns Home From Work Stressed Out And Wants To Talk About It With Her Husband What Happens Neither Is On The Same Page, Anger And Resentment Set In, And Mars And Venus CollideUsing His Signature Insight That Has Helped Millions Of Couples Transform Their Relationships, John Gray Once Again Arms The Inhabitants Of Mars And Venus With Information That Will Help Them Live Harmoniously Ever After In Why Mars And Venus Collide, Gray Focuses On The Ways That Men And Women Misinterpret And Mismanage The Stress In Their Daily Lives, And How These Reactions Ultimately Affect Their Relationships It S Not That He S Just Not Into You He Needs To Fulfill A Biological Need, Gray Explains And It S Not That She Wants To Henpeck You She Also Has A Biological Drive He Shows, For Instance, How A Husband S Withdrawal Is Actually A Natural Way For Him To Replenish His Depleted Testosterone Levels And Restore His Well Being, And How A Woman S Need For Conversation And Support Helps Her Build Her Own Stress Reducing Hormone, OxytocinBacked Up By Groundbreaking Scientific Research, Gray Offers A Clear, Easy To Understand Program To Bridge The Gap Between The Two Planets, Providing Effective Communication Strategies That Will Actually Lower Stress Levels Whether In A Relationship Or Single, This Book Will Help Both Men And Women Understand Their New Roles In A Modern, Work Oriented Society, And Allow Them To Discover A Variety Of New And Practical Ways To Create A Lifetime Of Love And HarmonyWhy Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress

Librarian Note There isthan one author in the GoodReads database with this name.John Gray is an American author on relationships and personal growth, best known for his 1992 book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and other pop psychology books offering relationship advice.He was previously married to fellow self help author Barbara De Angelis, but they divorced in 1984 He is now married to Bonnie Gray and has three daughters.

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  • Hardcover
  • 272 pages
  • Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress
  • John Gray
  • English
  • 06 July 2019
  • 0061242969

10 thoughts on “Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress

  1. says:

    Synopsis Men and women are different In the event that you have already figured this out after several years of marriage, this book may yet give you some comfort in knowing you are not alone in your frustrations Why Mars and Venus Collide did have some helpful advice However, I think those helpful nuggets were already lodged in his early book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus There appears to be some gratuitous repackaging going on here I confess that while I was reading this Synopsis Men and women are different In the event that you have already figured this out after several years of marriage, this book may yet give you some comfort in knowing you are not alone in your frustrations Why Mars and Venus Collide did have some helpful advice However, I think those helpful nuggets were already lodged in his early book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus There appears to be some gratuitous repackaging going on here I confess that while I was reading this book, my angry inner feminist occasionally reared her irritated head Gray tells me that Making a Man Happy is Easier than You Think Why, Gray says, ALL you have to do is love him unconditionally just as his dog does yes, he uses his dog as an example and applaud him vigorously for picking up a single pair of socks after you ve spent an hour cleaning up the entire bedroom actual example See how EASY it is Then there s the list of 100 ways I can raise my oxytocin levels and be happier and haveenergy arrange flowers, cook a meal, get my hair done, use my fine china, take a cooking class, buy a new outfit, babysit I m not sure he could be muchstereotypical if he tried Where is reading theology in the list of 100 Discussing classical literature Onthan one occasion, he suggests, not quite in these words, butor less There were a lot fewer marriage problems back in the good old days when women didn t expect anythingof their husbands than a paycheck While I agree that it is easy in these modern times for women to have unrealistic expectations of their husbands, expecting them to be at once provider and girlfriend, I think at least I hope there is a happy medium between these two, a somethingthan provider, a help mate.When reading this, I felt like Gray infantilized men too much Take, for instance, his use of himself as an example of men needing to have specific projects assigned to them in order to even begin to function in a domestic realm When my wife and I go food shopping at the farmer s market, I have my designated job paying each vendor, pushing the cart, and carrying the heavy bags Good job, John What a big boy You wouldn t want to try to tackle all of the complicated features of food shopping all by yourself, such as writing a list and locating the produce My husband must be exceptional He can go grocery shopping without me Likewise, when I help with the dishes, I like to plant myself in front of the sink and wash dishes while others bring plates over, put things away, and clean tabletops Yes, John, you wouldn t want to take on such an overwhelmingly detailed task as clearing plates, washing them, AND putting them away That s really only something women can handle Many men, Gray helpfully relates, tend to lose interest and energy while doing the nurturing, oxytocin producing domestic routines like laundry, shopping, cooking, and cleaning Newsflash So do many women All of the biological oxytocin gobbledygook aside, laundry and cleaning do NOT increase my energy levels I do the laundry because it needs to be done I don t do it because it gives me a boost of the happy drug I agree that men and women handle and process stress differently I do agree with him that much stress in modern marriages is owning to women trying to take on two roles at once by both working full time and yet still acting as the primary homemaker , but he makes it sound as though men are biologically incapable of cleaning house One thing I ve discovered about marriage books is that they tend to make me really appreciate my husband And this one in particular inspires appreciation by leading me to believe that while my husband s flaws are common to men, his virtues are exceptional So you have done him a bit of good after all, John, even if you haven t convinced me that he has a biological imperative to do only one chore a week I guess I don t have space to mention the constant textual interruptions with advertisements and URLs for his homeopathic remediesAs for women who suspect they may need to become easier to get along with and don t most of us to some extent , I think a better book to read is Dr Laura s The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands It can irritate the inner angry feminist from time to time, too, but I think it s easier to take that kind of truth coming from another woman, and she didn t strike me as quite as stereotypical or at least not as annoyingly so as Gray At least, I gotout of that book than I have out of this one

  2. says:

    A very validating book, and an incredibly fast read Explains how men and women deal with stress, with real life examples that ring so true Talks about the BIOLOGICAL and biochemical differences between men and women, and for me, learning that some things are biological changes my perspecive a lot Here are some excerpts I liked from the book Being aware of our innate biochemical differences frees us from the unhealthy compulsion to change our partners and eventually leads us to celebrate our A very validating book, and an incredibly fast read Explains how men and women deal with stress, with real life examples that ring so true Talks about the BIOLOGICAL and biochemical differences between men and women, and for me, learning that some things are biological changes my perspecive a lot Here are some excerpts I liked from the book Being aware of our innate biochemical differences frees us from the unhealthy compulsion to change our partners and eventually leads us to celebrate our differences Men tend to work best on projects rather than routines, since routines have no clear beginning or end When a man is tired, a domestic routine is rarely a priority, as it is for a woman When a man takes action to support a woman s needs, she feels supported and her stress goes down But the opposite is true on Mars WHen a woman does LESS for him and allows him to dofor her, his stress is lessened A man s stress is reduced when he feels successful in meeting her needs Men feel needed and women need to feel they are not alone Just as a woman is happiest when she feels she is getting what she needs from her partner, a man is happiest when he feels successful in meeting her partner s needs This is an important distinction Just as women need to blet go of expecting men to be perfect, men need to let go of expecting women to think we are perfect Together we have learned tha our life does not have to be perfect for us to connect and support each other The real reason women are tired today is not because they have too much to do It is b c they are not producing enough oxytocin to cope with stress Anyway, there are a definitelypoints in the book to share, this is just a glimpse as to what this book talks about I highly recommend it to everyone, just so you understand the opposite gender that muchRead the Introduction of the book first don t skip it b c that s what hooked me in

  3. says:

    This book makes a compelling point for becoming a lesbian or a man Women can do and think aboutthan one thing at a time and men can only do one thing at a time and need to be told what needs to be done which would you rather have for a partner Women should lower their expectations of the men in their lives, so as not to be disappointed by them.There is some truth in this book, hence the 2 stars instead of 1, but I still don t like it.Partially because I m not a stereotypical woman, This book makes a compelling point for becoming a lesbian or a man Women can do and think aboutthan one thing at a time and men can only do one thing at a time and need to be told what needs to be done which would you rather have for a partner Women should lower their expectations of the men in their lives, so as not to be disappointed by them.There is some truth in this book, hence the 2 stars instead of 1, but I still don t like it.Partially because I m not a stereotypical woman, so it s hard to read hear that I should like shopping I apparently am a man when it comes to shopping and that will make me happy, or that when I talk about my problems I don t want solutions, just someone to listen not true, if I have problems I would very much like a solution then I wouldn t have problems that would be awesome, I guess I m a man that way too On to the good points learning I did glean Women should be 90% responsible for their happiness, leaving only the last 10% up to the man in their life This again is lowering your expectations of men which irritates me, but I can handle that making someone else, male or female, responsible for your happiness is dumb Women historically had a much larger support system to help them, and today are doingthan ever by working outside the home, but still have a biological nurturing side that compels them to make a good home with less of a support system and men are doing about the same thing they always did, so while women needsupport, men are doing what their fathers did, which seemed fine for thembut isn t enough for the women in their lives.Anyway, it made me mad, but read it if you want to figure out what your blockhead significant other is doing if they fall into the typical realms of gender you may get some insight

  4. says:

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers To view it, click here My dumbfounded disappointment with this book almost made me speechless Well, almost Unlike his previous books, this book lacks structure and substance The reeling reference to his websites and his other products makes me frown His takes on male female relationship and domestic bliss infuriate me Here are his two theories that particularly stand out in my mind First, A woman hasbody fat than a man, and that is what gives her lasting energy Excuse me, what kind of rubbish is this My dumbfounded disappointment with this book almost made me speechless Well, almost Unlike his previous books, this book lacks structure and substance The reeling reference to his websites and his other products makes me frown His takes on male female relationship and domestic bliss infuriate me Here are his two theories that particularly stand out in my mind First, A woman hasbody fat than a man, and that is what gives her lasting energy Excuse me, what kind of rubbish is this This statement is an atrocity to human intelligence and this is as close to blasmephy as it gets.Second Divorced women are often happier, because they have finally taken responsibility for their own happiness His exact words are because the woman has given up expecting a man to make her happy and has finally taken responsibility for her own happiness Hm I wonder if it has ever occurred to Gray that a divorced woman is happier because she simply does not want to stay in that relationship and she is tired of playing a martyr This is a great book IF it s written from a reverse psychology perspective I would neither endorse nor recommend this book to my friends Gray s injudicious logics have done injustice to both male and female We are a doomed race IF all males are callous fools Embracing his logics will undoubtly send you to years of therapies

  5. says:

    Actually marking this book as read is a total lie Very rarely do I not finish a book and up until now I have never thrown a book across the room in a display of displeasure and frustration This book infuriated me A very close friend of mine recommended the book to me and swore up and down that it truly helped her with her relationships I could only read the first two chapters before I threw the book across the room and decided enough was enough The author s views are extremely esoteric, s Actually marking this book as read is a total lie Very rarely do I not finish a book and up until now I have never thrown a book across the room in a display of displeasure and frustration This book infuriated me A very close friend of mine recommended the book to me and swore up and down that it truly helped her with her relationships I could only read the first two chapters before I threw the book across the room and decided enough was enough The author s views are extremely esoteric, sexist, and out dated His advice to build and maintain a healthy relationship is for women to do what men wish, to serve their every need and not to burden men with silly things like communication, understanding, care and love If a woman does these things then she can maintain a sense of accomplishment and keep her man happy and by her side The author attempts to back up his views of how men and women are different by citing facts such as men don t ask for directions because when cavemen were hunting, there was no one to ask for directions and thus not asking for directions has been hard wired into a man s brain The author uses archaeological and anthropological data that is years out of date and has been disproven time and time again.Maybe the book gets better but I just couldn t bring myself to finish it least I start bleeding from the eyes as I read

  6. says:

    This was the first book I ve ever read by John Gray, and I only picked it because my library s e book selection is limited and there wasn t much available to check out in the Relationship genre This book does have some helpful communication techniques that might be worth trying if your marriage is in deep trouble, but I did take issue with some of itGray strives to explain the hormonal differences between men and women and how these differences cause wildly different behaviors and attitudes This was the first book I ve ever read by John Gray, and I only picked it because my library s e book selection is limited and there wasn t much available to check out in the Relationship genre This book does have some helpful communication techniques that might be worth trying if your marriage is in deep trouble, but I did take issue with some of itGray strives to explain the hormonal differences between men and women and how these differences cause wildly different behaviors and attitudes But really he just ends up sounding like a conservative sexist asshole He says that men need to be appreciated for every little thing they do, including picking up a piece of dirty laundry off the floor They also need to be greeted enthusiastically at the door every evening like a hero returning from war.I m not married or in a relationship at the moment, but if I end up with a man who needs this kind of validation, I think I will jump off a roof Gray basically says that you can t expect a man to notice or acknowledge a woman s contributions to the relationship Men are simplistic and egotistical, and if they have a job, that s proof enough that they love you because they are providing for you financially How one sided

  7. says:

    While I found this book immensely helpful in understanding my partner better and learning to adjust my expectations, I also found the book to be slightly sexist The author also makes frequent allusions to religion spirituality and seeking out a therapist as important tools without acknowledging that for some people these are not options or priorities The book makes many references to research about the brain, hormones, and evolution, which makes it seem very credible I found the sections part While I found this book immensely helpful in understanding my partner better and learning to adjust my expectations, I also found the book to be slightly sexist The author also makes frequent allusions to religion spirituality and seeking out a therapist as important tools without acknowledging that for some people these are not options or priorities The book makes many references to research about the brain, hormones, and evolution, which makes it seem very credible I found the sections particularly heavy in these elements to be especially insightful However, unless my partner were to read this book, which is doubtful, I am not sure how to go about using the information in cooperation with him Sometimes I felt the author was a bit too optimistic At no point does he mention when it is a good time to end a relationship He seems to think that all problems short of abuse can be fixed However, this is a useful text in heterosexual relationships the author makes no reference to LGBTQ relationships, which was somewhat disturbing The book gave me hope in many ways, and I feel capable of being a better partner now

  8. says:

    It took me so long to finish with this book but to be honest I didn t want it to finish at all because it certainly was an adventure for me and I loved every bit of it Coming to the book it s obvious from it s title that it deals with Mars and Venus issues but totally brilliantly Every word I read seemed real to me as a Venusian and as far as I have checked with my husband to a Martian as well The author has mixed psychology with scientific facts with medical facts and that made a totally c It took me so long to finish with this book but to be honest I didn t want it to finish at all because it certainly was an adventure for me and I loved every bit of it Coming to the book it s obvious from it s title that it deals with Mars and Venus issues but totally brilliantly Every word I read seemed real to me as a Venusian and as far as I have checked with my husband to a Martian as well The author has mixed psychology with scientific facts with medical facts and that made a totally convincing recipeStress has really an enormous effect on all of us but we keep ignoring it, the author teaches us to stop ignoring and start coping and develop new strategies to deal with it.The two books I read so far from this Author s have planted in me one big principle that if I get out only with this it would be too satisfying which is that, most collisions between Mars and Venus is due to that both genders do not understand each other well because they don t know what a Man is and what a Woman is both in their psychological make up and their biological one Just understanding that solves 85% of the problems My estimation.Collisions are inevitable between people especially between couples since there is extra intimacy in the latter But knowing how to deal with those collisions renews your love each time and makes the couple stronger than ever and deeply in love even at times of hardship It teaches both couples to trust each other and respect each other in many thousand ways Once there was a man who had a goose which laid golden eggs, he had to wait each day to get one golden egg, it was tiring to him and he got impatient,so he decided killing the goose to take all the golden eggs out, he found none This is from the Seven habits book of Steven Covey s but I liked to put it here to add something which this book says between the lines but not out loud that Your goose is what s important to you because only it can give you golden eggs which means if you ever wanted to change anything in your spouse or wanted anything else from him her don t forget that he she as a person isimportant than the result you want to get this way neither you would want to change your spouse nor you will try but I most certainly ensure you that you will get what you want from him her Keep your goose and care for it for the sake of the goose not for the sake of what you want I can go on but I will just recommend it to all married couples but my advice is let it be after a period of your marriage like lets say 8 months to 1 year of marriage to get the chance to have real collisions and then start analyzing As for myself I will continue read all the Mars and Venus series Goodreads to you all

  9. says:

    Pseudo science raised to an art form If there is any stereotypical behavior that can t be simplistically explained and justified by hormonal differences, it hasn t entered the author s darkest dreams.

  10. says:

    such a sexist book there is nothing worth reading it

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